How to overcome past experiences and live in the present

Hello my name is Alexandra Guilarte, and for many years I felt my life had no meaning if I was no longer with the person I loved. When I met the love of my life, the only man who I loved madly (already more than 17 years) I felt like the luckiest woman on earth! Ours, was love at first sight. 

 

I met him at a time in my life when I felt that everything was going wrong, my relationship with my parents, my career not going anywhere and I was incredibly lonely, and he suddenly turned up in my life, he was like a light that made me see that my problems were unimportant. 

 

I met him at a party for language teachers, although my depression would not let me see that he had noticed me, until he took my arm to dance with me. At that point, I felt that all my problems disappeared, and from that moment we began a relationship that ended in marriage in which both were very happy the first 2 years. 

 

Passing the third year, my depression and misunderstanding caused a breach in our relationship; my past, (plagued moments of sad experiences of my childhood) I finally reached to the point that did not allow me to move forward, and enjoy my present, so I destroyed all the beautiful moments we spent together. Just after our divorce, I went into a deep depression that had been dragging for a long time. 

 

The truth is that after the divorce, I realized that the happiest moments of my life had been with him and did not want to lose them. I begged him not to leave me, to understand me and help me, but it was too late. I felt totally destroyed and I felt that my life had come to a moment of paralysis. At that time, I felt that I would never be happy again. Years passed, and my now ex-husband was happily married with a beautiful woman and with children; while there I was, alone and just living over and over in my mind the happy moments I lived with him. 

 

During those years, many men were interested in me, my relationship with my parents improved and my career was beginning to bear fruit, but yet I felt empty. I felt I did not deserve anything good that was happening to me, I just wanted to go back to those happy moments I lived with him and I did not want to let go of those moments of sweet happiness that we lived together. I did not accept that he had carried on his life without me. I rejected all the things that were presented to me, I just wanted to relive the happiness we had lived in the past ; until my doctor made me react when he diagnosed me with breast cancer, which was at an early stage. 

 

Cancer! God! What have I done with my life? ! I’ve been regretting all my life for the things that happened in my past and my life went by in a second. With much pain and no glory at 40 years of age, completely alone and without having achieved my greatest desires, such as having my own family, children, travel, and … doing so many other things! So many things I’ve lost, wanting to embrace a past that has brought me nothing! What Is certain is that after my radiation treatment, I decided it was time to work on my depression with a specialist and after many chemo and many therapies now I feel completely healed, completely new! Now I understand that the past was left behind and that all those things I longed for can be achieved in my present, with new people and fresh situations, that bring me new experiences and new sensations, new flavours that are giving me my life back and are creating in me a positive interest in my future. It was tough, but I finally learned I do not want to miss a single minute of my present.