5 Traits of People-Pleasers and How to Overcome Them at Work
Posted on 26th January 2025 at 17:39

Imagine you're a skilled chef, constantly adjusting your recipes to suit everyone's tastes, only to find your signature dish has lost its flavour. This is the plight of people-pleasers in the workplace - always accommodating others, yet diluting their own potential in the process.
Consider Georgina, a financial analyst at a prominent London investment firm. Despite her expertise in market trends and portfolio management, she found herself constantly deferring to colleagues' opinions, taking on extra projects to avoid conflict, and struggling to make decisive investment recommendations. Her team's performance suffered, and she felt perpetually exhausted and unfulfilled. Georgina's people-pleasing tendencies manifested in subtle but significant ways.
She would spend hours reworking reports to match colleagues' preferences, often compromising the integrity of her original analysis. When presenting investment strategies, she would hesitate to challenge existing assumptions, even when her research suggested alternative approaches. Georgina's story echoes the experiences of countless professionals trapped in the people-pleasing cycle.
5 Traits of People-Pleasers in the Workplace
1. Excessive Agreeableness
People-pleasers often agree with others, even when they disagree internally. This trait stems from a fear of conflict and a desire for approval. A study published in the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology found that employees with high agreeableness scores were 37% less likely to voice dissenting opinions in team meetings.
2. Difficulty Saying No
The inability to decline requests or additional responsibilities is a hallmark of people-pleasing behaviour. Research from the University of California, Berkeley, revealed that individuals who struggle to say no experience 35% higher levels of workplace stress compared to their more assertive colleagues.
3. Perfectionism
People-pleasers often set unrealistically high standards for themselves, believing that flawless performance will ensure others' approval. A study in the International Journal of Stress Management found that perfectionistic tendencies were associated with a 42% increase in burnout risk among professionals.
4. Overcommitment
In their quest to please everyone, people-pleasers frequently take on more tasks than they can handle. A survey by Workplace Options found that 67% of employees who identified as people-pleasers reported regularly working overtime to meet their commitments.
5. Seeking Constant Validation
People-pleasers often rely heavily on external validation for their sense of self-worth. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that individuals with a high need for approval were 28% more likely to experience workplace anxiety and decreased job satisfaction.

The Impact of People-Pleasing on Career Progression

People-pleasing behaviours can significantly hinder career advancement. A longitudinal study by the Harvard Business Review found that employees identified as people-pleasers were 45% less likely to be promoted to leadership positions over a five-year period compared to their more assertive peers.
Overcoming People-Pleasing - Three Practical Actions
1. Implement the "24-Hour Rule."
When faced with a request or decision, give yourself 24 hours before responding. This pause allows you to assess whether your response aligns with your true desires and capabilities rather than being driven by an immediate urge to please.
Action step:
For the next week, apply the 24-hour rule to all non-urgent requests. Keep a journal of how this impacts your decision-making and stress levels.
2. Practice the "Broken Record" Technique
When you need to say no or stand your ground, calmly repeat your position without over-explaining or apologising. This assertiveness technique helps you maintain boundaries without engaging in unnecessary conflict.
Action step:
Identify a recurring situation where you struggle to maintain boundaries. Script a clear, concise response and practice delivering it confidently in front of a mirror.
3. Conduct a Weekly "People-Pleasing Audit"
At the end of each week, review your actions and decisions. Identify instances where you compromised your own needs or values to please others and plan alternative responses for similar future situations.
Action step:
Create a simple spreadsheet to track your people-pleasing behaviours. Note the situation, your response, and how you could have handled it differently. Review this weekly to identify patterns and areas for improvement.

The Neuroscience of People-Pleasing

Recent neuroscientific research has shed light on the brain mechanisms underlying people-pleasing behaviour. A study published in the journal Nature Neuroscience found that individuals with high people-pleasing tendencies show increased activity in the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) when faced with social rejection. This heightened ACC activity correlates with an increased sensitivity to social disapproval and a stronger drive to avoid it.
Furthermore, research from the University of Exeter, published in the Journal of Neuroscience, revealed that people-pleasers exhibit reduced activity in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC) during decision-making tasks. The vmPFC is crucial for self-referential processing and value-based decision-making. This reduced activity may explain why people-pleasers often struggle to prioritise their own needs and values when making choices.
Understanding these neurological underpinnings can help in developing more targeted interventions for overcoming people-pleasing tendencies.
The Evolutionary Perspective on People-Pleasing
From an evolutionary standpoint, people-pleasing behaviours may have once served a crucial survival function. In our ancestral environment, being accepted by the group was essential for survival. Those who were skilled at pleasing others and avoiding conflict were more likely to maintain social bonds and access shared resources.
However, in the modern workplace, these same behaviours can become maladaptive. Understanding this evolutionary context can help people-pleasers recognise that their tendencies are not personal failings but rather outdated survival strategies that need updating for the current professional landscape.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Overcoming People-Pleasing

Developing emotional intelligence (EI) is crucial in overcoming people-pleasing tendencies. A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that individuals with high EI were 58% more likely to successfully set and maintain boundaries at work.
Key aspects of EI that can help combat people-pleasing include:
Self-awareness:
Recognising your own emotions and triggers
Self-regulation:
Managing your emotional responses effectively
Empathy:
Understanding others' perspectives without compromising your own needs
Social skills:
Communicating assertively and resolving conflicts constructively
The Unexpected Benefits of Overcoming People-Pleasing
As you work to overcome people-pleasing tendencies, you may discover some unexpected benefits. A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that employees who successfully reduced their people-pleasing behaviours reported a 40% increase in job satisfaction and a 25% improvement in work-life balance within six months.
Moreover, research from the University of Michigan found that individuals who overcame people-pleasing tendencies experienced a 30% increase in perceived authenticity and a 35% improvement in overall life satisfaction.

The Proverb of the Bamboo and the Oak

Consider the proverb of the bamboo and the oak. In a storm, the mighty oak stands rigid and often breaks, while the flexible bamboo bends with the wind and survives. As a professional, overcoming people-pleasing isn't about becoming inflexible like the oak.
Instead, it's about developing the bamboo's resilience - maintaining your core values and boundaries while adapting to the demands of your work environment.
A Historical Perspective - Eleanor Roosevelt's Journey
Eleanor Roosevelt, one of the most influential first ladies in US history, struggled with people-pleasing tendencies early in her career. She once remarked, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."
Roosevelt's journey from a timid, approval-seeking individual to a powerful advocate for human rights demonstrates the transformative potential of overcoming people-pleasing behaviours.

The Future of Work and People-Pleasing

As we look towards the future of work, characterised by increased remote collaboration, flatter organisational structures, and emphasis on emotional intelligence, the ability to balance cooperation with assertiveness becomes even more crucial.
A report by the World Economic Forum predicts that by 2030, complex problem-solving, critical thinking, and creativity - all skills that can be hampered by excessive people-pleasing - will be among the most valued workplace abilities.
Breakthrough Coaching - Your Path to Authentic Professional Success
While these strategies provide a solid foundation for overcoming people-pleasing tendencies, sometimes you need personalised guidance to truly transform your professional approach. This is where breakthrough coaching can make a significant difference.
At www.mariafuentes.co.uk, we offer tailored coaching programmes designed to help you overcome people-pleasing behaviours and develop authentic professional skills. Our approach goes beyond surface-level techniques, diving deep into the root causes of your people-pleasing tendencies and helping you develop a personalised toolkit for success.
Through our coaching, you'll learn to:
Identify and overcome your specific people-pleasing triggers
Develop advanced assertiveness techniques tailored to your professional style
Master the art of setting and maintaining boundaries
Cultivate a growth mindset that embraces authenticity and resilience
Enhance your communication skills to express your authentic self effectively
Our coaching sessions are designed to provide quick, effective results, allowing you to see improvements in your professional authenticity within weeks, not months.

Remember, the journey to overcoming people-pleasing is not about becoming a different person; it's about becoming more fully yourself. As you let go of people-pleasing tendencies and embrace your authentic voice, you'll not only become a more effective professional but also inspire those around you to do the same.
Are you ready to find your authentic voice and transform your career? Visit www.mariafuentes.co.uk to learn more about how our breakthrough coaching can help you overcome people-pleasing and embrace authentic professional success. Your career, your well-being, and your potential for leadership await your courageous first step.
If you are a high achiever our F.R.E.E.D.O.M framework is an invaluable tool to develop emotional intelligence and success
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Tagged as: Authentic Success, Breakthrough Coaching, Career advancement, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership skills, People-pleasing, Professional Development, Stress management, Work-Life Balance, Workplace Assertiveness
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